Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Supersize me (or) I wrote this whole post just to work in the last sentence

I'm deathly afraid of travelling on planes. Crashing and going to hell in a fireball of molten metal is the least of my worries, however. No, what really scares me is the torture my knees will go through for the next eight hours. Because once I wedge myself into my seat and my knees are jammed into the back of the seat in-front of me, I'm sure not going anywhere till they pry me out with a crowbar. No wonder I've developed good bladder control.


And of course the diminutive girl next to me has enough space to stretch her legs out, do a few lunges and open her food tray and rest her feet on top of it. At which point I finally loose my patience and smack her upside the head. To which she responds by biting me.... In the knee.


People always envy tall people. But believe me, the world does it's best to compensate for what few advantages we have by trying to compress us into the tiniest spaces meant for normal mortals. When you can't hear the radio while driving, because your knees are blocking your ears, it's time to pull over and set fire to the car.


And dont get me started on the whole opposite sex thing. How can you make out how a girl looks when all you can see is the top of her head. I once dated this girl for two months, she had a haircut, and I couldn't recognise her any more. We broke up shortly after. Nowdays, I duck and weave like a boxer when meeting women, trying to get a glimpse of their face.


All in all, it's quite tough. I have repeated concussion from having knocked my head off various doorframes, ledges and overhangs. And that's why I have this lazy eye. Now, I just keep my huge fat head tucked into my shoulders. and envy all the small people around me.


Because sometimes, there's nothing better than a little head.

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